Spring #Fail
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On Becoming Parents
Two things happened recently that made me realize, we are parents:
1. When I was pregnant, I had a list of Things That My Child Will Not Eat (oh come on. We all have those. If you don’t, I’mma gonna let you finish but call you a liar). Top among those Things was Children’s Yogurt Because They Are Chock Full of Sugar and Other Things That Are Not Good For Them. So I bought full fat, all-natural ORGANIC yogurt and mixed it with Good Things like peaches and prunes and blueberries and yea, the angels rejoiced and the Poptart enjoyed it.
Then came the gastro-intestinal Christmas Thing of Doom wherein she puked up milk twice and since then has refused to drink milk or anything that remotely looks like milk and has also rejected plain yogurt mixed with Good Things.
Enter Minigo. And she scarfs it down like nobody’s business. I suggest you all buy shares in Danone because the share prices will be going up with the amount of yogurt she’s eating.
The upside is that she’s getting her calcium AND will likely not have said GI problems, because, hello, acidophilous! :headdesk:
2. (And I promise this Thing isn’t as long) The other night, we were watching Life as We Know It, which although it made my cry at the beginning is a decent movie.
Anyways, there’s this scene where the guy is watching the Wiggles with the baby because his sports make her cry and the Wiggles make her laugh (and if you’re a parent, this is probably really familiar).
Me: Oh my god, that’s Shannon’s favourite Wiggles video. I thought we’d escaped that when I put her to bed.
Darren: At least it’s Classic Wiggles.
Me: [shocked silence - shocked because I understood it]
Darren: What? It’s got the original Yellow Wiggle.
So file that away, parents and future parents, there are Modern and Classic Wiggles out there.
I can’t make this stuff up
As I wrote before, my parents decided to buy a condo about 45 minutes away so they’d have some place to stay when they visit. So they came down one weekend, put in an offer, then left for the week and the following Monday they came down again because they got possession on Tuesday.
Anyways, on Tuesday, both Darren and I trucked off to work at our regular times. I got stuck in a rescheduled meeting right before lunch and when I came back to my desk, I’d had a call from home on my cel phone and my desk line but no message. I emailed Darren and asked if he’d gotten a call from home; he indicated yes, but there was no message. I phoned home but no one was there. I finally phoned our Nanny on her cel phone and talked to her; she hadn’t called, so I assumed it was my parents.
Then I didn’t hear from my parents all week. They don’t have a cel phone yet, but will be getting one at some point because they’ll be here and there now, so I didn’t really expect them to call.
On Thursday, my mom called. They’d gone home to the Shuswap because they caught a cold. I took the opportunity to ask her about the phone calls.
Some days, you see, my family is comedy GOLD – it’s like Jim Carrey meets Vince Vaughan meets Will Farrell in an original National Lampoon movie.
My parents have a house key and a code to the security system. But the previous weekend, dad had switched the key to his other keychain that has the RV keys on it. This time, they took the minivan down and had forgotten to switch the key back. Our nanny had gone out with the Poptart and they had no way to lock the house.
So they called us to find out our nanny’s cel phone number, to get her to come back to lock the house up. This, apparently, did not work since neither of us answered our phones.
There are two exits from our house: the front door and the garage door. If you go out the garage door, there’s a sensor at the bottom of the garage exit to outside that will stop the door from going down if it’s tripped. To close the door, you either need the remote (which was in the car that Darren had) or you use the button on the wall by the door into the house.
So, my parents locked the front door, went into the garage and locked the garage door and opened the exit door. Mom went outside and waited while dad hit the wall button and made a mad dash for the door.
After the 5th try, he managed to get his legs up high enough to miss the sensor.
I only wish there had been a camera available.
Because Monday kicked my ass
- I have been busy and am about to get busier.
- This working full time and having a toddler, a partner and a blog is tiring.
- Especially when the toddler decides to be awake at night from Sunday-Monday.
- And so you take the toddler downstairs to sleep on the blow up bed and she can play.
- Shortly after you lie down, the toddler takes a running leap onto the mattress.
- And lands on your head. This might explain the headache the next morning.
- Then half before light arrives WAY TOO FUCKING SOON and you drag your sorry butt out of bed, such as it is, and thank the flying spaghetti monster for the person who invented the automatic coffee maker.
- And then you haul yourself to work, do some things half asleep and take a nap at lunch.
- Which means you’re late getting back from lunch.
- You email your partner to pick you up from the train because you’re just so damned tired. And he emails you back saying “Shouldn’t be a problem. I have a ride home tonight”
- So you take the train home and are waiting. And waiting. And the bus leaves. And you phone home and talk to the nanny who says your partner isn’t there and you assume that he is on his way.
- But you hop the last bus possible just in case and get home and he’s outside talking to the neighbour. He says, “Do you have the car?”
- Because he left the car at the train station and had someone else drive him home.
- So you walk back to the train station and get a bottle of wine and some gas on the way home.
- Except your debit card doesn’t work either at the liquor store or the gas station.
- And you drink some wine, snuggle the toddler who is being extra cute, what with the high-fiving between you and your partner.
- And you put the toddler to bed, then go to bed yourself.
- Because Monday kicked your ass into next week.
And I actually started this post on Tuesday. Its now Friday. Monday seemed to leak into the rest of the week what with the:
- Oh I thought I could do that, but I can’t. KTHXBAI.
- Oh no now I can do it; can you put me back in that position? :smack:
- The 7 hour meeting after working 5 hours already and not seeing my kid that day at all because it was the one day I would be late and she was sleeping in that day. (Hardest part of week)
- Nearly crying in my boss’ office when I told her about not seeing my kid the day before.
- Missing the 4pm mail pickup. :dammit:
There may be a more coherent post tomorrow if I get some sleep.
Because the Onion says it better than I ever could
Growing increasingly wrathful, God continued: “Can’t you people see? What are you, morons? There are a ton of different religious traditions out there, and different cultures worship Me in different ways. But the basic message is always the same: Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Shintoism… every religious belief system under the sun, they all say you’re supposed to love your neighbors, folks! It’s not that hard a concept to grasp.”
“Why would you think I’d want anything else? Humans don’t need religion or God as an excuse to kill each other—you’ve been doing that without any help from Me since you were freaking apes!” God said. “The whole point of believing in God is to have a higher standard of behavior. How obvious can you get?”
“I’m talking to all of you, here!” continued God, His voice rising to a shout. “Do you hear Me? I don’t want you to kill anybody. I’m against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don’t kill each other anymore—ever! I’m fucking serious!”
Upon completing His outburst, God fell silent, standing quietly at the podium for several moments. Then, witnesses reported, God’s shoulders began to shake, and He wept.
So today, on that day 9 years ago when the 20th Century officially ended, I could tell you where I was, or I could rant about the hypocrisy of the idea of freedom of religion, and make cracks about burning holy books.
But instead I’m going to ask: can’t we just all get along?
An Argument for Always Putting Things Back Where They Belong
I have a habit of losing things. Temporarily, usually. There was this one time I lost my cel phone in the hatchback of my car, or so I thought. I rummaged around for it, but couldn’t find it. I declared it fully and completely lost and went to TELUS and got a new phone.
About 3 days later, I found it in the container that I put in the hatch so that I wouldn’t lose things :headdesk:
The problem, you see, is that I have this habit of dropping things wherever and whenever. I misplace my keys regularly. And my sunglasses (I am shocked that I’ve managed to hang on to the current pair for two years now. Shocked.)
This weekend, for example, I lost the following:
· My cel phone. I’d checked it on the train, and put it back in my bag. When I got home, I put my bag on the floor and the Poptart decided to be really helpful and empty my bag for me. I knew she was running around with my phone, so at some point I took it away from her and then it got eaten by the couch. Oh and it was on vibrate. On Sunday, I finally ended up calling the damn thing hoping (a) it had a charge and (b) we’d hear it buzz.
One thing about the LG Dare, it’s got a really strong vibrate – to the point that Darren felt it while sitting on THE OTHER END OF THE COUCH.
· A pair of pants. This one, I have no idea. NONE. I wore them on Friday, took them off and somewhere between my bedroom and the laundry room they vanished. As of Monday morning, I have no clue where they are. But I washed the shirt I was wearing on Friday so that means they have to be there, right?
When I asked our Nanny to keep an eye out for them, she looked at me like I had 5 heads. Honestly, I don’t blame her.
Status update, Monday evening: I found them! The baby stuffed them in the linen closet, dammit.
It would help, I suppose, if I put things back where they belong (and didn’t let the Poptart play with my bags and things. It’s awfully cute though, when she “talks” into the cel phone.
Do you lose things? Or are you more organized than I am and always put things back in their place so you’re not running around Monday morning (or Sunday night) trying to find your damn cel phone?
You can still enter my A&D Diaper Rash Products giveaway here
One*
May 17, 2009 @ 6:52 p.m.
May 17, 2010 @ 6:52 p.m.
* Alternate title: WTF?**
**Alternate alternate title: Mr. Lady will hate me even more now.
PSA: Oh, that Hated Sales Tax (The HST)
It’s no secret that the Campbell Liberals (and really, a lot of them are old SoCreds – and for those that remember, the irony of this will become apparent shortly) want to implement the Harmonized Sales Tax (HST) in BC later on this year.
Former Social Credit (SoCred – oh the irony) Premier Bill Vander Zalm has received permission to launch an official Citizen’s Initiative Petition against the HST. If it receives 10% of signatures from registered voters in each electoral district, the decision on whether to implement the HST will have to go to a referendum or it must be scrapped.
Now you may have already signed some online petitions against it, and that’s great. But in order for your opinion to count, you MUST sign the Citizen’s Initiative Petition.
To sign the petition, you must be a registered voter and go to the appropriate place or contact your local canvasser.
Now, my own opinion? I’m signing as soon as there’s someone in my electoral area who’s collecting signatures. I think we have enough taxes and the HST will be revenue-neutral, apparently, because businesses get it all back at the end of the year. I don’t think businesses will pass on lower prices to the consumer – why would they when they can turn more of a profit?
And I don’t enjoy the prospect of paying HST on my strata fees. So I’m saying:
Contacts and locations to sign the petition can be found here.
I believe in good grammar
I wrote a bit back about my pet driving peeves. And while these tend to make my blood boil, there’s one other thing that really, really, bugs me.
I am a grammar queen.
“Could have”, people, not “could of”. Hell, I’ll even accept “could’ve”.
Know the difference between their, there, and there they’re.
OMG, my blood pressure.
Which brings me to my issue with CTV’s Olympic Song: “I believe”
It bugs me. Okay, so I’m a bit of a metalhead, but that’s not the reason the song bugs me. It bugs me because it’s gramatically incorrect, all for the sake of a rhyme:
I believe in the power that comes
From a world brought together as one
I believe together we’ll fly
I believe in the power of you and I
It’s you and me. You wouldn’t say “I believe in the power of I” would you?
And this bad grammar is being broadcast all across Canada and around the world.
:facepalm:
Overheard, or famous last words
The scene: in the car, dropping Left Coast Mama off and preparing to go in to pick up the Poptart:
Me: Oh, a meter.
Left Coast Mama: Oh that’s okay. They don’t monitor the meters at 6:15pm on a Sunday.
Me: Right.
20 minutes later, I get back to the car, put the Poptart in and find this gift on my windshield:
(Click to embiggen if you like).
Edited to add: in no way am I blaming Left Coast Mama, who arranged for a group of us to go to High Tea at the Secret Garden, and whose husband, the ever-gentlemanly @AnthonyFloyd, took care of the Poptart for a couple of hours.
I just happen to have the worst parking luck ever. I almost always luck out and find a spot, but am prone to getting parking tickets. Like the time I parked (illegally) to dash into a bakery for 5 minutes, came back out and found a By-law officer writing me a ticket. I hopped in the car and drove off before they could say anything though. And then there was the time on Commercial Drive when the meter expired 10 minutes before I got there and I had a ticket. On a Sunday. At 5pm.
